Josh (desh) wrote,
Josh
desh

I have a tradition of starting a new journal when I get a new computer. For example, I started my only ever pen-and-paper journal right when I got my Pentium 166 in October, 1996. And while I don't really count my P2-233 laptop in Februaryish 2001 as an important computer, I did start writing on the old Shafted around then. Though I didn't start one when I got my P3-450 in August 1999, and when I got my two earlier computers (IBM PS/1 and Commodore 64), I was too young to care about writing. (Some might say that that's not really enough to call it a tradition. To them I say, "bah!")

I don't feel like starting a new journal now; this here LiveJournal is enough for me. Though since this is my first (I think) post from my new Shuttle, it seems like a good time for cheesy introspection and reflection or something.

When I got my last (desktop) computer, I was 18. I was about a month away from starting my freshman year at Drexel. I was pretty antsy to start, and the only thing I had to tide me over was to help bumonyou move into his dorm room at Penn, and live vicariously through him until my school started. (The first MP3 either of us ever downloaded high-speed was "Steal My Sunshine" by Len. We used scour.net, since this was a couple of months before Napster hit the big time.)

John Elway's Broncos were the defending Super Bowl champs. The Yankees, of course, were the defending World Series champs. Gas was hovering at around ninety cents a gallon.

I had the same car as I do now.

Eli and Aviva weren't dating yet, though I was pretending they were, ever since our falling-out at Dorney Park. Meanwhile, I still had a crush on my senior prom date, even though she was about to leave for Israel.

I was certain I wanted to major in Physics, for no particular reason. It hadn't really occured to me to look into Engineering, Computer Science, or really anything that didn't correspond to a class in high school. It hadn't even come close to occuring to me to consider a major that wasn't math-related. I was disappointed that I was going to Drexel, though I was still hoping that I might get into Carnegie Mellon somehow. It didn't yet bother me that I failed to consider a bunch of other schools that might be good for me, and instead took a totally half-assed approach to the college search process, probably because I took a half-assed approach to everything school-related then.

I had no idea what I wanted to be when I grew up. (So I guess not everything has changed.)

I still ate cheeseburgers and cheesesteaks all the time. I don't think I'd even given up bacon yet. I was sure that I was going to spend some time at Drexel Hillel, though I didn't really care what Hillel would be like, how many people would go there regularly, or really anything about it.

My mom was about to sort of move in with her boyfriend in New York, which would make it much easier to get to her new job there.

I still dilligently kept my habit of listening to one song as I was falling asleep, and keeping track of what song it was every night. My idea of fun was to go to the Pink Floyd laser shows at the planetarium.

I hadn't yet gone to Philly Folk Fest, gone to the Havurah Institute, played Ultimate Summer League, heard of Linux, worked on more than one play or musical, heard of alcoholic cider or lemonade, seen drunk people my age without thinking that I'm better than them, or met any of my college friends.

And I think I was pretty damn insecure. I'm so much more comfortable now with who I am. That's really been the biggest change since then, aside from getting more into Judaism. I love how there are really no social situations that scare me now. There are some I know I won't enjoy, but that's okay, and I can either go there knowing it's not my scene, or just not go and not care. Even then, I had gotten much better at not caring what random other people think about me, but I still had a ways to go. I'm great at that now, and it's one of the main reasons I'm a generally happy person.

I'm a generally happy person. I was then too, I think, but even more so now.

And I'm so damn lucky.
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