And of course my main focus is that I still have this whole dorm room here to pack. And that I have to find a job. (For September. I'm okay until then.) The graduating, really, has taken a back seat. But it is starting to hit, and goodbyes are hard. And I wish I chould just forget all this; there's nothing I'd rather do right now than just sit with Eli or Benj or Hannah and sing or something.
Me (9:46:45 PM): I'm just not packed yet. Graduation doesn't scare me.
Me (9:46:59 PM): Oh, and I had to say goodbye to 3 people "forever" today.
Me (9:47:02 PM): that was kind of annoying.
Jen (9:47:08 PM): what do you mean "forever"?
Me (9:47:25 PM): like, there's no particular occasion any time in the future when I KNOW I'm going to see them.
Me (9:47:31 PM): Ever.
Jen (9:47:36 PM): reunions?
Me (9:47:41 PM): I might see them somewhere, sometime, but it's not definite.
Jen (9:47:42 PM): you can find times...
Me (9:47:49 PM): Well, we can, but we haven't yet.
Me (9:47:52 PM): Last week was so easy.
Jen (9:48:03 PM): so you aren't good enough friends to make time?
Jen (9:48:20 PM): eventually you'll see them
Jen (9:48:26 PM): well, nah, I know what you mean
Me (9:48:31 PM): With all my hillel friends LAST week, who I'm going to miss so much, it was either "I'll see you next year when I visit", if they weren't seniors, or "I'll see you next shabbat" if they were.
Jen (9:48:32 PM): there are people I haven't seen in forever
Me (9:48:38 PM): See, that's the thing.
Jen (9:48:50 PM): and while I'd like to see them, I can't really just decide one day to contact them...
Jen (9:48:59 PM): it would be weird... so yah, I understand
Me (9:49:23 PM): The hillel friends that I'm closest to aren't seniors. These seniors that I said goodbye to tonight aren't my closest friends, so I might never see them. I probably will. The scary part was just the prelude to more goodbyes.
Me (9:50:09 PM): I have one group of friends that I've had since freshman year. They're all graduating with me, and they're the ones I'm most worried about. Basically all the senior friends that I'm really close to are in that group except for Eli, but I'm never going to lose touch with Eli.
Me (9:50:20 PM): Saying goodbye to them will be the hardest.
Jen (9:50:42 PM): but they are the people that you'll make sure to stay in touch with
Me (9:50:57 PM): I hope so.
Me (9:51:02 PM): But not all of them, necessarily.
Me (9:51:09 PM): I mainly hung out with them in groups.
Me (9:51:25 PM): Piper will be back in California (though she's not graduating until December).
Me (9:51:54 PM): Jackie and Sam and Tim I wasn't close enough with to ever see them on my own, but I'm still gonna miss them a lot.
Me (9:52:19 PM): Katie and Sarah are going to Baltimore soon. Dolores is going back to New York soon. I don't know if I'm ever going to make particular plans to visit them...
Me (9:52:31 PM): dammit, I almost wish it could be freshman year again.